You’ve been married for years, and the love is still as strong as ever. You should be happy, and yet something’s wrong. Something’s missing. That initial spark that brought about some of the most spectacular sex of your life… just isn’t quite there anymore. How can you spice up your sex life again?
What to do? Is it gone forever? Of course not! It’s perfectly natural for sex lives to cool over time. But that doesn’t mean that couples in marriages and long term relationships can’t have spicy sex lives. In fact, they could and should get spicier than ever before. As long as you still love your partner, any sense of cooling off in your marital bed is really just an excuse for things to get hotter than ever.
More than anything else, it’s important to recognize when things start to feel stale or routine. Even our favourite foods can get boring if we subsist on them for the entirety of our diet, so there’s no reason to think that the same thing can’t happen with our sex lives. It’s always important to find ways to keep things exciting with your partner.
Don’t be afraid to try new things. Whether it’s new positions (all that yoga needs to pay off some time!), new locations (don’t trap yourselves in your bedroom!), new toys (not just for kids!), or even some secret new fantasies that you’ve never admitted (costumes aren’t just for Halloween!), there are so many avenues to explore and satisfy sexual appetites that we didn’t even know we had. The important thing is to never be afraid to try new things.
Of course, there is another big barrier to trying all of our craziest sexual fantasies with our spouse or partner: communication. If you’re in a marriage or even a long-term relationship, hopefully, you’ve noticed the importance of communication. Your partner should be the one person who you’re comfortable discussing everything with. Sex should be one of the big topics that are always on the table. No matter how well you know someone, you can’t read their mind.
Sex lives experience natural peaks and valleys, so it’s important to always remain on the same page. Share how you’re feeling and share what you want. Always. You both might just be a conversation away from some of the most exciting sex of your lives, but maybe you’re too embarrassed to talk about that naughty fantasy that’s bubbling in the back of your mind. Get it out there. You never know what might happen!
Yet, as contradictory as this may sound, it’s also important not to over talk, overanalyze, or overthink your sex life. Sure, you want to always communicate your needs, desires, and dreams to your partner, but don’t overdo it. A rigidly scheduled sex life shared in a mutual calendar isn’t particularly exciting or sexy. Spontaneity on the other hand? Now that can be exciting and sexy.
So never be afraid to make that unexpected move in an unexpected place at an unexpected time. Sometimes that’s when the most fun happens. You need to share those secret escapes together, whether it be sneaking away behind a locked door in the heat of the moment or even for an entire surprise weekend getaway. It’s important to keep reminding each other of that special excitement that kicked off your relationship. That rush you get from a surprise and the unknown? It’s still possible, it just takes a little more creativity over time.
While it might be impossible for any long relationship to retain the same insatiable spark and sense of excitement that came from the first few years of hanky panky, it hardly means that your sex life is over. It just means that it’s time for your sex life to get more interesting. It’s time to try all the things you only dared to imagine in the past. It’s time to discover what you and your partner really want or need. It’s time to experiment. This can be the most exciting time in your sex life provided that you and your spouse put in the work and effort to make it happen.
So don’t be afraid to try to unlock all of your secret passions or maybe even discover some new ones that you never even imagined! Never forget that you’re lucky enough to have found someone that you’re comfortable enough to experience total intimacy with. Take advantage of that and push each other to new and exciting places. Try everything. Maybe even try throwing some confidence-boosting and blood flow supplements into the mix to spice up your sex life to the maximum. After all, you’ll never know just what will elevate your sex life until you find it!
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